Baby or toddler fighting sleep? Here’s why
Why babies fight sleep is an FAQ in my world.
New parent’s are caught off guard when it comes to baby sleep.
What’s normal?
What should you expect in the first year’s of life?
When will the ups and downs finally even out?
A really common question that I get is: “WHY ARE THEY FIGHTING IT?! I know they’re tired”.
And trust me, I know. I’ve got two kids of my own. It’s frustrating as all get out when despite your best efforts, they just won’t sleep.
So let’s unpack it. In this blog, we’ll cover 5 common reasons that babies and toddlers fight sleep, and what you can do about it. Consider the following:
1. Are they actually tired?
Awake times can change from day to day and throughout the day depending on what is going on in your little ones world.
Some babies are more regular than others in their sleep times (a lot of this comes down to temperament, not anything you’re doing or not doing) but don’t assume that they’re going to need exactly 2 hours of awake time just because thats what they did yesterday. And certainly don’t get caught up watching the clock too closely - hello stress.
Instead, look to your little one for cues + take into account your day.
Okay, so your first consideration if they’re fighting a nap or bedtime should be, are they actually tired enough? And keep an open mind about this!
I understand it’s SO common to hear sleep professionals talk about avoiding overtiredness at all costs. And yeah, sure. Overtiredness can happen. But in my experience, undertiredness is more commonly the culprit of little ones fighting sleep.
Have they had a very sedentary day? They may need more awake time before a nap or bed.
Top tip: If you’ve been trying to get your little one down for a nap for 10-15 minutes and there are NO signs of them settling down for sleep - take a break, watch their cues and try again in a bit. There’s no use in everyone getting frusrated.
2. Are they dysregulated?
It’s very hard for a baby to fall asleep in a stressed state.
Sleep happens when our parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest) is activated.
So, for sleep to happen, focus on getting your little one calm before even attempting to get them to sleep.
If you think they’ve been up for too long and are dysregulated due to being very tired, consider bringing timings earlier in the future. But regardless, in the moment, you need to get them calm.
3. Do they need more connection before going to sleep?
Sleep is seen as separation from you. I know, I know. It may not feel like that for you if they’re still waking. But for them, it is.
This is why ensuring your child’s love tank is full before trying to get them to sleep is essential. If they’re craving more connection they may stall going to sleep to get that time with you (this can be especially true for toddlers!).
How do we do this? Ensure your bedtime routine is focused on connection and nurture.
We often get caught up in the '‘what’ of the bedtime routine when really, what mattes most is that you’re together, spending quality time before the separation that is sleep.
4. Are they uncomfortable, leading to them ‘fight’ sleep?
This can be tricky, I know. Especially if you suspect or have a diagnosis of reflux, allergy, etc. They aren’t easy things to find the root cause and fix! (Been there myself with my little guy).
But the truth is, if they are uncomfortable - of course, it’s going to impact sleep.
If you are suspecting something is up, don’t hesitate to reach out to your trusted health care provider to get it checked.
Additionally, feeding issues can also impact sleep. Feeding and sleep are so closely intertwined, especially in infancy. If this is the case for you, seek help from a trusted IBCLC. If you need help finding one, send me a DM I’d be happy to refer you to someone I trust.
5. Do naps and timings need to be reevaluated?
Might they be ready for a nap transition? May they need a later bedtime? In the first years, I know it can feel like you just figured out their ideal timings and then BAM - another nap transition, change in total sleep needs, etc.
If you’re curious if timings may be the reason your baby or toddler is fighting sleep, consider how long it’s taking them to fall asleep.
This is called sleep latency. The time it takes for them to fall asleep from “lights out” or the time you start actively helping them to sleep.
If they are consistently falling asleep in 0-5 minutes - this may be an indication that they may be a bit too tired. Try bringing timings earlier.
If they are consistently taking longer than about 25 minutes to fall asleep, try moving timings later to see if this helps.
As a reminder:
Your little one isn’t “fighting sleep” to grind your gears. (I know it can be very frustrating) But, there is always a reason behind a behaviour.
Hope this helps!
If social media and blogs just isn’t cutting it, I’ve got two ways to help you get better sleep without sleep training.
Click HERE to get 18 Ways To Get Better Sleep Without Sleep Training. You’ll also get two other guides in your inbox in the coming days.
Click HERE to grab The Responsive Parent’s Sleep Guide Bundle. This is a bundle of 6 guides + a workbook that will provide you with ALL of the information you need to get more sleep, without sleep training from BIRTH TO THREE YEARS!
P.S. Are you in the Instagram community? If not, join HERE! I do Q+A’s every week!
Alison
Certified Holistic Sleep Coach
