What Is Normal When It Comes To Your Baby + Toddler’s Sleep & Night Wakes
What does developmentally normal sleep look like for your baby or toddler?
Baby sleep is hard for most parents. Full stop. And it doesn’t take long to start asking.. “Okay… is this normal or something else up here?”
It’s pivotal for parents to have an understanding of what is truly normal in regards to their baby or toddlers behavior and sleep.
This is important because due to the sleep industry being so prominent in western culture, along with past generations having largely authoritarian parenting styles, there is often a mismatch between what is biologically normal and expected and what societal norms and expectations are.
Normal baby behavior
You have a very normal baby if they prefer to be in your arms or close to you nearly 24/7. Remember, in the first year of life babies attach through the senses. They feel safe when they can see, hear, touch and smell you. This need for closeness doesn’t disappear after the first year, but they do begin to explore the world more widely, returning to you as their secure base when they need comfort or encounter challenges they can't handle alone.
You’ve also got a very normal baby if they need help to sleep. You haven’t done anything wrong and your baby (or toddler) isn’t broken if they need your help to fall asleep.
Babies complete their gestation outside of the womb. They are born quite prematurely and very dependent compared to other mammals. Some mammals are born with a brain that is 70-80% of the adult size brain.
Humans are born with a brain that is 25% of the adult sized brain. It doubles in size within the first year (Knickmeyer et al., 2008). And then continues to have immense growth and development in those first years reaching about 90% of adult size by age five (Huelke, 1998).
Independence happens overtime in childhood. True independence isn’t being taught by leaving babies alone to figure it out. When we meet our child’s need for dependence when they are little, this gives them the secure base and security to go out and explore their environment more widely when they are ready (Hoffman et al., 2017).
Night wakes and night feeds - What’s normal?
We all experience brief awakenings between sleep cycles. These serve as a safety mechanism, allowing us to assess our internal and external states and check for any needs.
Babies may wake for lots of reasons. They may be..
Cold
Hot
Hungry
Wet
Scared
Uncomfortable
Need connection
Or they simply may not be tired!
A large population based study of over 55,000 found that almost 80% of babies aged 6-18 months woke between 1-3 times per night, often requiring a feed (Hysing et al., 2014). When considering night feeds we also need to remember that feeding is not only about hunger. It’s also about connection, comfort and pain relief.
We can’t expect our babies to sleep like adults. There is so much pressure in our society to have babies sleeping long stretches, without needing us, from a very young age. The reality is- this is just not how most babies sleep.
If babies were meant to sleep 12 hours overnight without waking and signaling, they would! Or at least the majority of them naturally would without having to sleep train them. And don’t forget, sleep training is a very new practice in the grand scheme of human history.
While night wakes and night feeds are normal, they are certainly a tough part of early parenthood.
Quick tips when it comes to night wakes
Don’t count the wakes. If you’d like to know in the morning how many times your baby woke/fed, simply screenshot the home screen of your phone for time stamps.
Avoid looking at the clock at every wake.
Get rid of the sleep tracking apps if they're causing you stress.
There isn’t a standard definition in the literature for what is considered “sleeping through the night”.
Different researchers have used different definitions. In some studies sleeping through the night is considered a 5 hour stretch, some use 6 hours and so on.
However, society very often refers to sleeping through the night as 12 hours without the need for parental support. If your little one naturally does this, that's fine! (Granted they are gaining weight well, etc). But, to tell parents that they should have the expectation of their baby not needing them for 12 hours is pretty unrealistic for the majority.
As for when you can expect your baby to sleep through the night, I don’t know. I would be lying if I said I did. This is variable between babies and children and as just mentioned, it depends what people consider sleeping through the night.
There will be ups and downs in sleep due to development but in general- sleep will likely get better as they age when we're looking at larger chunks of time. For example, your baby will likely sleep better overall between 12-18 months compared to their sleep at 6-12 months.
Baby sleep isn’t a walk in the park
Overall, it’s normal to find baby sleep challenging. Babies and toddlers have such immense needs in those first years. Not to mention if you’re a first time parent, you’re just getting to know your baby, this new role, and being needed 24/7. If you’re struggling, the first step is to reach out to your support system. Can you get some extra shut eye somewhere in your week? Weekend mornings, in the evening? Get creative with this!
Need help with this whole baby sleep thing?
I’ve got two ways to help you!
Grab your FREE guide: 18 Ways To Get Better Sleep Without Sleep Training. This guide (along with the two other free guides that will land in your inbox in the coming days 😉) will be a great starting point to optimizing sleep. Get it HERE.
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